These are not busman holidays.  My ideal trip is uninterrupted reading time with a view.  I sat on my island on a chaise lounge under an umbrella.  I applied SPF 400 sunscreen and donned a large straw hat.  I ordered some frozen concoctions and plowed through four books.  Bliss. 

Christie, Agatha.  “And Then There Were None” also called “Ten Little Indians” – Set on the fictional Soldier Island, off the coast of DevonThis is one heck of a yarn!  In this book, everyone is a detective, as well as a suspect. I read this book first as a teenager revisiting it every few years and it’s still an enjoyable way to wind away the hours. Christie is the master. 

King, Stephen.  “Duma Key.”Set on Duma Key, on the Florida coastKing blends a ripping good supernatural story with what must have been his own experience in recovering from a horrific accident. It felt very personal without being self-indulgent.  This reads like some sprawling, wrenching Greek tragedy. Just when you think nothing can get worse for the narrator…it does. 

Palahniuk, Chuck.  “Diary.”Set on the fictional Waytansea Island, off the coast of MassachusettsWhere do you get your inspiration?  Palahniuk delivers a nihilistic tale of an artist finding inspiration after the attempted suicide of her husband.  Like all of Palahniuk’s other work, Diary is vivid, disturbing, grotesque, and a bit supernatural.  He is nothing if not creative.  “Diary” is written as a diary from the point of view of the protagonist, Misty; in the fashion of a long letter written to her comatose husband Peter.  

Proulx, Annie.  “The Shipping News”Set on NewfoundlandThis book had sat on my “To Read” list for years.Proulx creates an amazing world- a cold, rocky place that nevertheless is populated by a fascinating variety of big-hearted, unlikely heroes who are revealed to have all manner of special talents. Quoyle and company, who have never belonged anywhere, gradually fit right in. The staccato, often subject-less or verb-less sentences create a unique and compelling style.   

Not too many authors can get away with titling their debut novel A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.  That painfully reflexive, egotistical, smug title nevertheless seemed to have worked for Dave Eggers.  It was either loved or hated, but more importantly it moved units. We do live in The Age of Irony, where hipsters are seen wearing blindingly loud fluorescents and t-shirt homage’s to Youtube-sensations-of-the-week, so perhaps that tongue in cheek title isn’t so much to scoff at.   Despite a couple of well known and well written detractors (cough Lydia Millet cough), Eggers has made a fine career for himself.  His next novel, a tale not quite as self-indulgent as his debut, You Shall Know Our Velocity, was a bestseller and critically acclaimed. 

Regardless of how you feel about Eggers, McSweeney’s as a publisher has much to offer.  Their monthly arts and pop culture magazine Believer is something different from what you’ll find sitting next to it on newsstands and some (not all mind you) of the books are really darn good.  I would put Chris Adrian’s The Children’s Hospital first and foremost on that list.  But, like any reputable house of publishing, it is impossible to bat 1.000%.  I personally didn’t fall head-over-heels in love with Arkansas by John Brandon, though some people whom I value both for their taste in literature and ability to spot a bad apple, zealously recommended it.  And despite the amazing cover art, I didn’t fall in love with Jessica Anthony’s The Convalescent yet I would be the first one to tell you that it is probably a very good book that I just didn’t happen to agree with.  And then there are the anthology collections. I really enjoyed Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans: The Best of McSweeney’s, Humor Category and a selection from one of my favorite books of 2008, Zeroville by Steve Erickson, appeared in McSweeney’s Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories. 

The point of all this?  The onus is really on you, the reader.  Whether you think McSweeney’s represents a new paradigm in literary smug hipness, or merely a publishing house that is offering something young and fresh, do yourself a favor, take one of the above for a spin and form your own opinion.

One of my interests is making stuff by hand. “Crafting” is a term I studiously avoid, because it brings to mind the elementary school art projects involving lopsided ceramics, potholders woven with scratchy synthetic yarns, and other horrible crafts your parent dutifully displayed until you went back to school and they were mysteriously “misplaced.” But who decided that homemade had to mean ugly and, well, crappy? 

Learning how to make things from scratch is not difficult, and allows one to be a more responsible and thrifty consumer; to reduce waste and packaging through repurposing materials; and to have fun. There is a certain pride in producing something by hand, whether it’s a jar of strawberry jam, a luxurious winter scarf, or a cute tote bag for your library books. The time and care you invest make these things seem more valuable than just throwing a $20 bill at some retailer. And… did I mention it’s fun? 

So, here’s my sweet lil’ list for wannabe crafters. Pick your poison: 

Bend the Rules Sewing: The Essential Guide to a Whole New Way to Sew by Amy Karol Portlander Amy Karol is the creator of the popular blog Angry Chicken. In her cheeky, chatty style, she shows you the ropes of sewing, and provides easy instructions for artsy little projects, such as handbags or throw pillows, that would sell in Urban Outfitters for, like, $40. Great gifts for your hipster friends (or kids)!  

The Stitch n Bitch series by Debbie Stoller Don’t be put off by the title – Stoller, editor of Bust Magazine, believes in the empowering nature of knitting and crocheting, and makes it easy for you to learn with this friendly series of beginners’ projects. Make yourself a laptop cozy, or some headgear the teenager in your life will actually wear. 

Jam It, Pickle It, Cure It, and Other Cooking Projects by Karen Solomin This is less about actual everyday cooking and more about making special artisan foods – cheese, peanut butter cups, and other gift-ables. There’s even a recipe for marshmallows, for crying out loud. 

The Creative Family: How to Encourage Imagination & Nurture Family Connections by Amanda Blake Soule Soule is another blogger – she’s the force behind the exquisite Soulemama blog. She’s been described as a hippie Martha Stewart, able to sleuth out pretty thrift shop finds and reconfigure them into clothes, toys, and household items for her free-range clan. In The Creative Family, you will find such projects, but even better, some valuable guidelines for simple, peaceful ways to appreciate the here and now with your young ones – for letting go of materialistic expectations and creating family togetherness of the homemade variety. Ok, I lied.

One more suggestion. Martha. Yes, she’s annoying in her starchy perfection, but there’s a fundamental reason behind her popularity. She has some great ideas! Take what you want and make it work for you, homemade imperfection and all.  

Surely, Rollins could not foresee the weight that exclamatory title would carry.  Aside from the fact that Black Flag inspired thousands of pimply faced, downy mustached, hopelessly picked-on youths to pick up instruments and make their own noise, and to find a sense of adventure by getting in a beat up van and playing sweaty basement shows across the country.  But also unwittingly started the punk and indie D.I.Y. (do it yourself) culture.

Before there was HGTV and the DIY Network, bands like Black Flag, Minor Threat, and Sonic Youth were doing everything themselves, without any help from major labels.  The aesthetic was simple:  there’s nothing anyone can do for you that you can’t do for yourself.  That means booking shows, setting up a tour, even recording.  Greg Ginn, guitarist of Black Flag, created perhaps the first indie music label with SST Records.

Michael Azerrad’s brilliant book, Our Band Could Be Your Life: Scenes from the American Indie Underground 1981-1991, gives a brief history and inspiration of 11 special bands that encapsulate the new aesthetic. How Minor Threat’s Ian McKaye remembers gluing record art and inserts while guitarist Jeff Nelson xeroxed hundreds of flyers and CD art at Kinkos.  Or J. Mascis graduating from playing drums in seminary Boston punk act Deep Wound to a grungier yet more melody inflected guitar in Dinosaur Jr.  Mascis remembers not even trying to send a major label a demo for the grunge thing wouldn’t catch on for another ten years with the breakout of a little known rock outfit called Nirvana.

While Azerrad clearly focuses on the inception of the bands, life on the road, the trials of being broke and touring; the reader can’t help but contextualize the content.  These groups were breaking the established norm and initiating a new model for all art.  A whole culture of literary artists began making ‘zines in their bedrooms, pasting and stapling what they wanted to write, what they would want to read.  Soon a new breed of visual artist emerged, branded the VCR filmmakers, directors like Kevin Smith, Quentin Tarantino, and Wes Anderson started shooting on cheap, affordable equipment. 

And lest we forget the labels.  As much as the new DIY acts could do on their own, it didn’t hurt having other like minded individuals assisting in the effort.  Jonathan Poneman, enjoying the lo-fi and immediate sound of these budding acts, thought he could distribute music with the best of them. And then he started Sub Pop records.  When you think of an indie rock band in the 90’s, chances are they have a low degree of separation from Sub Pop. Eventually they became a business model for other indies.           

Go ahead and give the Azerrad’s book a flip-through.  It may prove to save your mundane, boring life.

Here are some other works that probably should use the words ‘loosely based on’ or ‘inspired by’ as a disclaimer: 

Doh!; or, Thank you, Homer:-The Following use the Odyssey…

Ulysses-A novel by James Joyce. A notoriously ‘difficult’ yet brilliant book.  O Brother Where Art Thou-A Film by the Coen Brothers.  Cold Mountain-A Novel by Charles Frazier and a movie adaptation starring Jude Law.  2001 A Space Odyssey: A film that uses many parallels to Homer’s epic, adapted from the novel by Arthur C. Clarke. 

Ahoy!; or I am Ahab:-The Following use Moby Dick…

Ahab’s Wife; or the Star-Gazer: A Novel: A book by Sena Jeter Naslund that spins a tale from the perspective of Captain Ahab’s wife.  Leviathan: A concept album based on Melville’s masterpiece by the band Mastodon.  Bone: A graphic novel series by Jeff Smith.  The main character’s favorite book is Moby Dick. Allusions and references litter the long running series.  Leviathan ’99: A spinoff by Ray Bradbury that takes place in space. 

To Sit in the Shade; or, A Woman’s Influence: -The following use Pride and Prejudice… 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance—Now with Ultraviolent Mayhem: (I think the title says it all.  And yes, that is the title).  Bridget Jones’s Diary:  A novel and film that use a serious Mr. Darcy, a meddling matchmaking mother, and a humorous detached father.  Bride and Prejudice: A Bollywood version of the classic novel.  Pemberley; or, Pride and Prejudice Continued: A novel by Emma Tennant.  (Note: There are numerous ‘Mr.Darcy’ and ‘Pemberley’ novels by different authors.) 

Abandon All Hope; or, Drag me to Hell!:-The following use Dante’s Divine Comedy… 

What Dreams May Come: A film starring Robin Williams that uses Dante’s concept of different levels of hell for different mortal transgressions.  The Amber Spyglass: A novel by Phillip Pullman contains many allusions and even has scenes that parallel those of the Divine Comedy.  Master of Verona: A book by David Blixt has Dante himself as a character and also borrows extensively from Shakespeare.  Dante XXI: An album by heavy metal band Sepultura is loosely based on Inferno (Note:  Also, see works by Geoffrey Chaucer and John Milton) 

To Be or Not to Be; or, Call me Will:The following use Shakespeare’s works…

(Note: Open your eyes, turn on your TV, read ANY book, and I guarantee you’ll find dozens!)

After that I had to see what else he had written.  I discovered the world of Tucker Case in The Island of the Sequined Love Nun.  Poor Tucker, a geek in a cool guy’s body, finds himself involved in an illegal and just plain odd scheme on a tropical island where at least one fruit bat talks.   That led to The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, introducing me to a delightfully bizarre little town in California named Pine Grove.   One of the funniest characters is a woman who was once famous for her Zena like role, now fallen on hard times and heavily medicated.  She is the one who discovers the invisible, giant lizard that is disguised as a trailer and whom soon falls deep in lust with her….and the resolution of that physical challenge had me chuckling to myself for weeks!           

Stupidest Angel and Stupidest Angel 2.0 (No idea why-they appear to be the same book) also had me laughing for quite awhile—the heartwarming story of Christmas cheer—with brain eating zombies.           

My favorite so far, and the one I recommend over and over again to anyone who will listen, is Dirty Job.  Charlie Asher is a beta male whose life comes crashing down when his wife dies in childbirth and he is left to raise a daughter on his own.  No one will believe him when he claims that he saw a man in the hospital room—a man who took her favorite CD.  As the story grows Charlie finds he is one of a number of people who have the gift of collecting souls from the dying or recently dead—souls that reside in an object of great importance to the person.  This can be tricky—what do you do if it is the silicon implants that glow with the red of a soul? And what exactly does it mean when two hellhounds show up at your door to play with and protect your precocious daughter? Evil forces living below the city of San Francisco just add to the hilarity.            

You Suck and Bloodsucking Fiends are set in that same San Francisco, with some mild crossover characters.  Vampires are seen in a new …er…light in these very funny stories.  I particularly liked the minions, who were given their own voice in several chapters, adding a great perspective to the story.  

His website is good also, www.chrismoore.com.   Christopher Moore is not for everyone—his books contain weird sexual situations, somewhat graphic violence, and what some might consider heretical viewpoints.   If none of that bothers you, please give him a read!

The reason for this stroll down nostalgia lane is that I’ve come to do a similar thing with books.  I’ll see previously unknown authors offering words of praise to books that I enjoy too.  Because we are obviously brethren in superior taste in literature, I will seek out the books by these unfamiliar authors and see what they have to offer.  Sometimes they are good, sometimes we merely share affection for the same novel.  But sometimes, there are blurbs on these book jackets that bug the heebie jeebies out of me and have me running for the hills.  The following overused, hammered-into-the-ground, make-your-ears-bleed-if-you-hear-it clichés should as of now be stricken from book blurbing.  (I hereby decree and will see to is that it is good.):

-A Tour-de-force…

-…Wildly inventive…

-A unique voice… 

You are authors! Wordsmiths. Crafters of the word. You can do better!Fortunately, a cliché on the back cover doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad book. Take a look below, these great books suffered from lazy, lackluster, uninspired blurbs on the back. 

Try the Tour-de-Force’s:Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson

Without Remorse by Tom Clancy

The Sibling Society by Robert Bly

Blindsight by Peter Watts 

And don’t forget about the Wildly Inventive books:

Flying by Eric Kraft 

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

Dying for Chocolate by Diane Mott Davidson 

And of course, the ‘a unique voice’’s:

Sag Harbor by Colson Whitehead

Collected Poetry and Prose by Wallace Stevens

My Life in France by Julia Child  

Let this be a lesson future writers and reviewers, keep your thesaurus handy!